Dear WHYA (a parody)

Every so often the girls and I at We Heart YA get an email that's a bit strange. A bit otherworldly. A bit surreal, I guess you could say. You see, we read so many books and discuss about stories so much that sometimes the lines get blurred between what's fact and fiction.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Sometimes you're in a Harry situation where the only way to fix things is with a bit of luck and magic, and you're thinking: What would Hermione do?

But what do you do when Hermione messages you for advice?

Although we have no explanation for it... sometimes we get letters from fictional characters. Possibly because our initials spell out WHY, which IS the universal question uttered by anyone real or not since the beginning of time. Maybe these figments of our imaginations are just looking for answers and who are we to ignore them, right?

Take Exhibit A: a recent email from Karou -- the blue-haired chimaera from DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE -- asking for advice... from us?!

"Fauxto" by Margot Wood

Dear WHYA,

I bumped into this guy named Jazz* the other day while I was out on a job and he said you might be able to give me some advice. I'm just going to come right out and say it: I'm starting to think there's something a bit off about me. Like, I don't feel like myself. 

My best friend, Zuze, would laugh at me if she heard me say that. I'm always really tough and secretive around her -- for her own good, I might add! -- but I'm not sure I can hold all of these feelings inside anymore. I have to tell someone.

For instance, I have these tattoos on my hands that were given to me when I was born, made, whatever. Some kids get circumcised, some kids get their ears pierced... I never thought anything of it until now.

You are going to think this is crazy, but they're magic. Magic tattoos. (I'll wait while you just take that in for a moment.) They keep my enemy subdued, and maybe even kill. I haven't tested it that far yet. 

But the reason I know they're magic and the reason that I'm writing to you is because this angel abomination keeps popping up out of nowhere ruining my perfectly good day. And the only way to get him to take me seriously is to tell him to "talk to the hand." Literally.

Should I ask Brimstone what's up with the tattoos he gave me? Or do I keep experimenting until I kill someone? I mean, it's just a stuck-up, demon-killing angel, right?

Karou x

~ ~ ~

Dear Karou,

Do NOT kill the angel. Believe us, you will regret it. You are on the tip of the penguin's beak, on the tip of an iceberg, on the vast frozen ocean of discovery. By the time this chapter in your life ends, your mind will stretch to universes. But before that, you will find yourself. All of yourself and your lives and it is beautiful.

We repeat: Do NOT kill the angel. Even though you will want to many, many... many times.

p.s. Ask Brimstone about the tattoos. In fact, spend as much time with Brimstone as you can.

Peace.

WHYA xx

~ ~ ~

*Jazz from I HUNT KILLERS wrote in frantically asking if he was going to turn out like his dad. He was all like, "What if the world's worst serial killer was your father?" and we were all like, "Dude, that sucks." Not sure that qualifies for good advice, but we're here for you Jazz!

So how did we do? What advice would you have for Karou or Jazz?